It has been quite a while now since my last blog postings but it is not because of a lack of interest nor for making or finding the time to reflect on what has taken place over the many months that have since passed. To say that 2015 was a tough year would be putting it rather mildly yet each day that has also since passed in 2016, we were given a new day to take upon its challenges, its difficulties and its knock downs in life. You see, this is not about me or my wishes. Well actually it is in a sort of way. It's not either about wanting to set deadlines and targets. It's no longer about how soon or how quick can we build or even rebuild cars, race engines or even just being at the race track. It is no longer about when will we get back to the place we so love and doing what we have done for all these years. In fact, far from it I may add. For now, its just all about being together whenever we can and to just work through this all.
Sometimes, no matter how strong willed the intentions of one may be and no matter how determined one may be there simply comes a time when the human body and mind eventually says,
that's it, no more, time out. It cries out '
I'm tired, I can't go on anymore' yet each day it is expected that no matter what your body tells you, or tries to tell you, you must try and simply ignore it and just push on. After all, that's how we were both raised by our parents. Never quit, never give up and always give your utmost best even when it feels that you are on your very last breath. Well sometimes no matter how hard you try, nature has a better and stronger plan and short-circuits all your very good intensions. Now don't get me wrong, this is not about seeking any sympathy or even asking for help in some sort of way. It's not even about painting a sorrowful picture of sorts or to attract any sort of attention. In fact it is more than likely the very opposite. It's something just best kept quiet about and as time passes hopefully nature will heal all its own wounds and life will return to normal without as much as anyone even noticing it. Yeah,
dream on.
Each day so far this year, it has been a hard slog but not once was the towel thrown in. You see, my
boet is a determined fighter and at every given opportunity he will pretend and say I'm fine, there are other people that are worse off than me. Everyday, no matter how difficult a day it may be, there was a smile, even if it was half hearted at times, a laugh, even if it was somewhat forced and even a time to crack a joke yet behind those disguises was someone in agonizing pain and continuous discomfort. Each and every day added to the difficulties of just being able to get up and run a successful business come hell or high water. I was aware of my
boet's signs quite a while ago already, I could pick it up in his mannerisms, his speech, his ways and noticed his ever declining determination. Yet as much and as hard that I tried, it was an impossible task to simply accept let alone sit and watch helplessly as lethargy literally took over more and more each day and as everything just slowly grinds to a halt.
It finally reached a point where the eventual decision was taken for him to close his business due to simply not being able to spend as much quality time as was required and as was demanded by the business. Staff had to eventually open up his business at the crack of dawn so as to get the workshop up and running and ensure that a days work and new business could be completed all while medication and a lorry load of tablets kicked in in order to just be able to move . Some days were often only spent half day at work as my brothers body simply could no longer keep up the demanding pace required that was once just the accepted norm. Staff had to also close and lock up the business at night all while the medication just barely kept the pains and lethargy at bay. This was no ordinary life anymore, but he pushed on. Our racing had come to a grinding halt as result thereof. All our racing cars were eventually sold off as there was simply no more place to keep and store them let alone be able to work on them. This is not what was ever planned, it was simply what had to be done given the circumstances. Luckily I did manage to keep my own project race car which I have been painstakingly busy with for approximately 7 years already but even that looked like I might just have to one day just accept that it might never happen. We did eventually find a safe place to store my project race car where to this day it is still kept under cover while I still continue to source the many parts before it can even further commence being built. The business was finally sold early this year and the stresses and difficulties of running a busy motor car workshop have for now been put behind my
boet. My hopes were already somewhat dashed back in 2015 when it became apparent that due to his ever declining medical condition there was simply no chance of having my race project ready by the beginning of 2016 yet I remained positive. A fair amount of progress was still made during 2016 with me sourcing some rather hard to find and rather unique parts still needed and at times I still saw a glimmer of hope that just maybe we would now be able to have it ready by the beginning of 2017. Reality still unfortunately dictates otherwise and due to the complexities and time still required to build it properly I will in all probability write off 2017 as well and start looking and hoping now towards 2018. Expecting anything more would simply not be appropriate right now given the current medical circumstances.
My
boet has been through a lot in more ways than one from a medical point of view but each and every day I still phone him, try and try and motivate him. We chat about getting back to doing what we once both loved doing together albeit it tough at times. We just simply take it each days as it comes now. The business is gone so making ends still meet brings on a whole new set of challenges working from home doing the odd job. The monthly bills still need to be paid and the medical doctors still need to be visited for checkups as well as the ongoing medications prescribed which all still add to the now very much different everyday life. As he said, there are people far worse off than him.
We will race again one day even if it means we do it in wheel chairs from the old age home. That's just who and how we are. It's unfortunately in our blood and our genetic make up. If we do eventually get it right, it may not quite be like in the past but by remaining focused, determined and if nature just lets up a little bit we might just be able to get something together one more time. The challenges will always be there, the difficulties will remain and the obstacles to overcome are perfectly understood but by simply sitting back and throwing your hands up and saying '
I give up' and in turn allow the mind to become negative will simply not ever achieve anything. There may still have to be some huge lifestyle changes necessary in order to move further forward but together we will drive each other to attain our common goal to one last time be together on the track doing what we love best.
"Be proud of your pain for you are stronger than those who have none".
Thanks
Boet.
